Got my chemotherapy power port removed today. True to my mom’s wish she was alive to see me through my treatment and double mastectomy for breast cancer before passing away from her own fight with ovarian cancer 3 weeks ago. My mom, my light and strength who taught me how to fight and be strong. I love and miss you every day mom. 🕊 — at Saint Francis Cancer Center.


Sorry, Ben. Sorry, Jerry.

one of the side effects of chemotherapy is the severely impacted sense of taste. it’s not that i can’t taste foods, it’s that foods taste wrong — bitter and/or metallic. i no longer enjoy one of my favorite pastimes — eating – which is not such a bad thing. and 2 of my best and closest friends (Ben & Jerry) are no longer talking to me because i told them that their ice-cream (all their flavors are my favorites, by the way) tastes AWFUL lately. on the ever present bright side? thank you Taxotere and Carboplatin for kicking the shit out of cancer cells. 🙂 i will tolerate this for a few more months… 🙂

December 29, 2015 (3rd treatment)

Keeping it real!
For those of you this bothers, keep scrolling! For the rest of you, I know you’re curious as to what’s under the hats and bangs. 2 down, with 4 to go (with chemo (attacks cancer) in them) and then, after surgery and reconstruction, continue one or two of the 2 antibody drugs for an additional 9 months, through my port (antibody drugs kills the hormones and protein – HER2). Remember, I got this!!
— at Saint Francis Cancer Center.


December 7, 2015

Today marks December 7th my 2nd chemo treatment. Sabine has decided to spend the entire day with me today and I’m very happy about that. My mom won’t be able to come because she has a little fever running and she doesn’t want me to get sick; I can appreciate that. I’m feeling really good. Sabine and I played cards and looked through magazines and chit chatted most of the day. When Elaine saw me wearing one of my hats she asked if I would, for her, cut my hair as short as possible because it’s really all falling out and it starts to look really gross and kind of scary.

I ended up finishing at the treatment center at 2:30 which was very nice so Sabine decided to bring me home letting Frank work a little longer. We stopped at Marshalls and I got myself another nice hat and a little skirt and a sweater. When we got home Kelly was home but Jen was already at the barn.   We decided that I would take a warm hot tub and then they would cut my hair together. So I got in the tub and washed and kind of pulled through as much as long hair I could and then Sabine cut the rest.  Kelly was really good she got a fishing net and scooped up all the loose hair from the tub. I now definitely have to wear hats.

Like this one…


November 24, 2015

The drink up on my face last night and the heavy lube of Aquafor in my nostrils and around my lips has been a miracle.  My skin is was dry and it was comforting to be able to sleep through the night without the sharp sensation of air drying out and once moist area (gross).  This includes bum, lips, nostril and side of eyes where several tears have been shed.  If it is an area that (can) experiences moisture, I can only assume that the ‘chemicals’ from my first treatment have left a dried acidic trail that tends to be somewhat itchy.

November 17, 2015

Although I planned to take the day off, I worked from home instead.  I am feeling very good.  I do have some rumbling below the equator and have been looking at the Imodium and Stool Softeners trying to determine which this way is going to go.

By 10:00 I decided to step out and pick up Kelly’s finalized senior pictures; I love them all!  I stopped at Jo-Anns to to get some saddle pad fabrics for Christmas orders as well as some NFL themed fabrics for Christmas presents that we will be making for our Secret Santa picks!

I experienced my first weirdness of neuropathy when I tried to shut the mudroom door.  First I got a blast of electricity in my right hand through to my fingertips and then the tip had a numb yet tingly feeling.  I could only equate it to holding Scout’s ‘safety’ color in my hand while passing through the wire.  Sorry Scout, that zap SUCKS.  Maybe this is not neuropathy and just a weird freak thing that happened.

November 16, 2015 (First Chemo treatment)

A very good day!  Got driven in with a big kiss by Frank at 8:30 a.m.  No need for him to wait since we did not know what it would entail getting started.  Elaine prepped my port with the main stick that goes into my port.  She aims the needle and I push into it.  She took 4 or 5 tubes of blood and by 10:30 a.m. (waiting order for treatment bags to be delivered) we started the first drip.  Got bag of Emend  which is suppose to help with nausea and got another decadron.

More to come…..


October 28, 2015 (Revelation)

I had been going through the next couple of days not thinking much about the procedure or the results.  Except when I actaully looked at my boob which looked like it had been hit with a baseball bat.  Lots of bruising resulting from the pushing to get the right tissue for the biopsy.  I felt like a 90 year old lady that get a bruise because the wind blew.  Ah well.

I had just gotten back to my desk after attending a work a baby shower when I saw a missed call from St Francis’ main number on my cell phone.  I listened to the voice mail and it was Deb asking me to give a her call a back.  So I did.  And I got her voicemail.  After a few minutes of telephone tag, we reached each other and she asked me if it was ok to talk.  I was a little nervous but anxious to hear her say that everything was clean.  But that’s not what she said.  She said that the preliminary results had come back and the results were positive for breast cancer.  Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.  I was in a daze.   I listened to everything she was saying but still felt like it wasn’t me sitting in my chair.  She was able to get me a 3 p.m. appointment with Dr. Kim Caprio so we could talk about what this meant and next steps.

I remember hanging up the phone, and Ellen already out of her seat and at my desk giving me a hug.  Of course I started to cry.